Two taxidermists stopped before a window in which an owl was on display. They immediately began to criticize the way it was mounted. Its eyes were not natural; its wings were not in proportion with its head; its feathers were not neatly arranged; and its feet could be improved. When they had finished with their criticism, the old owl turned his head… and winked at them.
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1/22–An enthusiastic but somewhat unscrupulous salesman was waiting to see the purchasing agent of the engineering firm where my husband worked. The salesman was there to submit his company’s bid, or price quote, for a particular job. He couldn’t help but notice, however, that a competitor’s bid was on the purchasing agent’s desk. Unfortunately, the actual figure was covered by a can of juice. The temptation to see the amount quoted became too much, so the salesman lifted the can. His heart sank as he watched thousands of BB’s pour from the bottomless can and scatter across the floor. oh
Scripture:
Romans 12:17-18
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Humor:
1/22–As someone else has said, “She won’t listen to her conscience. She doesn’t want to take advice from a total stranger.”
If you can’t find five minutes, can you spare just two or three?
An enthusiastic but somewhat unscrupulous salesman was waiting to see the purchasing agent of the engineering firm where my husband worked. The salesman was there to submit his company’s bid, or price quote, for a particular job. He couldn’t help but notice, however, that a competitor’s bid was on the purchasing agent’s desk. Unfortunately, the actual figure was covered by a can of juice. The temptation to see the amount quoted became too much, so the salesman lifted the can. His heart sank as he watched thousands of BB’s pour from the bottomless can and scatter across the floor.
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What to do when something or someone tries to bury you—-I heard the story about a man who had an old mule that he really loved. One day the man couldn’t find the old mule and he began to panic. He checked the fence to see if got out, but everything looked good. Then he remembered the big, deep hole he had had dug just a few days earlier. He ran as fast as he could to the hole, and sure enough his fears were confirmed. The old mule looked up at him from the bottom of the hole. The only thing he knew that was left to do, was to just put him out of his misery. So he go a shovel and began to throw the dirt down on top of the mule. When he went to get the second shovel full he was amazed. The old mule just shook off the dirt and packed it down with his feet. He quickly started shoveling as fast as he could. Each time the mule shook the dirt off and packed it down, until before long the old mule was at the top and just walked on out. So when someone digs a hole and puts you in it, and tries to bury you with dirt….just shake it off, pack it down, and walk on out.
Smile and whisper—The next time somone wants to argue with you try this technique. It is very hard to argue with someone when they are smiling and whispering. Try it sometime!
Why me Lord?— This was the title to a popular song a few years ago. Unfortunately most people are using it ask why me, meaning the bad. Why am I the one to have trouble, bad breaks, etc. I ask instead why was I the one to receive so many good things. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Just because some bad things happen to me, doesn’t mean at all that I am a bad person.
Many great people have asked why before. Even Jesus in the garden said why has Thou forsaken Me. But God has all the why answers!!
The Two Wolves—I remember, as a child, seeing on cartoons an angel on one shoulder and a devil sitting on the other. They pull in different directions. The devil made me do it was Flip Wison’s line. I heard about the old Indian whose son was becoming a man. The older Indian told the son that there were two wolves within,a good wolfe and a bad wolfe, both trying to gain the lead in his life. Which one will win, the son wanted to know? The father told him it would be the one he fed. Which thoughts will you feed, the good or the bad? Will you side with the positive thoughts or the negative ones? It is up to you, and you alone.
Practice–Allen Iverson had a lot to say about the subject of practice. After the basketball game, he went off on a reporter who asked him about his practice effort. I know what Iverson was trying to say, that it is the game, after all, which matters most. I have seen people at the work place who did not come to work good. Then, after they were there, they just tried to make do with the minimum effort. They were just marking time, just getting by. But, just as sure as promotions were given out, they couldn’t figure how why they were not chosen.
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But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
Is your whole Church singing out of the same songbook?
UNITY will move the Church forward
Story:
1/21–Tomas Borge was a leader in the struggle against the totalitarian regime that had dominated his country, Nicaragua. During the revolution, Borge was captured and put in prison. While there he was subjected to the most extreme torture for over 500 hours.
After the revolution Borge was freed and become the Minister of the Interior. One day he found one of his torturers in jail. He walked up to this man who had inflicted such terrible, relentless and brutal pain upon him and said, “I am going to get my revenge from you”. He then held out his hand and said, “This is my revenge, I forgive you.
Scripture:
Hebrews 10:30-31
For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Humor:
A man from the back mountains of Tennessee found himself one day in a large city, for the first time standing outside an elevator. He watched as an old, haggard woman hobbled on, and the doors closed. A few minutes later the doors opened and a young, attractive woman marched smartly off. The father hollered to his youngest son, “Billy, go get mother.”
1/21–In a small Italian town, hundreds of years ago, a small business owner owed a large sum of money to a loan-shark.
The loan-shark was a very old, unattractive looking guy that just so happened to fancy the business owner’s daughter.
He decided to offer the businessman a deal that would completely wipe out the debt he owed him. However, the catch was that we would only wipe out the debt if he could marry the businessman’s daughter. Needless to say, this proposal was met with a look of disgust.
The loan-shark said that he would place two pebbles into a bag, one white and one black. The daughter would then have to reach into the bag and pick out a pebble. If it was black, the debt would be wiped, but the loan-shark would then marry her. If it was white, the debt would also be wiped, but the daughter wouldn’t have to marry the loan-shark.
Standing on a pebble-strewn path in the businessman’s garden, the loan-shark bent over and picked up two pebbles. Whilst he was picking them up, the daughter noticed that he’d picked up two black pebbles and placed them both into the bag.
He then asked the daughter to reach into the bag and pick one.
The daughter naturally had three choices as to what she could have done:
Refuse to pick a pebble from the bag.
Take both pebbles out of the bag and expose the loan-shark for cheating.
Pick a pebble from the bag fully well knowing it was black and sacrifice herself for her father’s freedom.
She drew out a pebble from the bag, and before looking at it ‘accidentally’ dropped it into the midst of the other pebbles.
She said to the loan-shark;
‘Oh, how clumsy of me. Never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.’
The pebble left in the bag is obviously black, and seeing as the loan-shark didn’t want to be exposed, he had to play along as if the pebble the daughter dropped was white, and clear her father’s debt.”
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1 Samuel Now there was a certain man of Ramathaimzophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite: And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD, were there. And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions: But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the LORD had shut up her womb. And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb. And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat. Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
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